Can Purell be used as lube?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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