the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
