my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
