no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
