I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
