I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i out mim tonsoeep
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
