I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You made out with two different species that night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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