She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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