this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
