my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She has the best kind of daddy issues
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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