i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
