He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
