You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize