"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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