to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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