At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize