yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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