I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
