If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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