i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
