He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need moral support for this bender
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
