so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize