Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
