i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
