Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
