In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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