I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
