just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
