if only i could text you this smell
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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