I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
