i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
