State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
