somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
