Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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