The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
