every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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