Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
