so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My cat gives me a boner
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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