I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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