So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
