We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
