He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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