My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
