this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize