I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My pussy is not your playground.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The struggles of a small town man whore
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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