Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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