A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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