I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
