If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
