i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Michael Bay diarrhea
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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