this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
third nipple confirmed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
