At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
