My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I fill condoms, not promises.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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