Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
