dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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