My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
