a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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