I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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