You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
