I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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