no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
