im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
