He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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