I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
