3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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