hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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