I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
