she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
