somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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