She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
