Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
