Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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