I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
