All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
