Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
