i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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