thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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