In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
