Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
