I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
