apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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