Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize