Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
