I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
