Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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