I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
