Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize