Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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