you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
