I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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