Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
whose parrot is this?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
