So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
