I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
