Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
