Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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