so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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