we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Boobs are out for the taking
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
