did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize