why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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