im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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