My first STD was from a foam party
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
