Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
