I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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