Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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