We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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