I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
