I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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