Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
