i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
