just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
