You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
