Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize