I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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